Each time I walked in, heads would turn slightly, and I could feel the eyes on me, the other patients’ impassive expression nevertheless loudly reminding me where I was. My appointments were always in the afternoon, so I don’t remember ever seeing any one else walking in after me. Chemo treatments usually lasted at least a couple of hours up to a day. Some people were in that room since early morning, but didn’t have to return the rest of the week like I did.
There were usually different patients in the treatment rooms during each of my sessions. I was often struck with the feeling of, “Oh no, not another one. How many people come in here every day?”
I don’t remember seeing the others becoming nauseous, but I soon had the vomit tray on my lap every visit. Was that due to my gastric treatment? Was I the only one receiving this type of treatment, and looked the most sick? Was it that my body couldn’t support the chemo takeover? I realize some people don’t get nauseous with chemo, and I attributed mine to the type of cancer treatment I was receiving.
By the end of the session, I was exhausted, even after the first treatment that wouldn’t take effect until days later. Somehow, the gagging and nausea began the moment I’d step in the house. Perhaps the anti-nausea medications they doped me with during the treatment were to avoid dealing with patients vomiting all over their furniture and floor. That would certainly be discouraging to watch for hours every day, and add to patients’ already sensitive state.
Following each treatment, I couldn’t get home fast enough. Just get me a blanket, a bucket, and bury me on the couch. I was too tired to go upstairs to bed, and I wanted to be around Isabella as much as I could.
One year ago, I started this blog, and I’ve been loving all the great feedback and support. Thank you for inspiring me to continue sharing my experience. It was a frightening move going from writing privately to writing publicly. I am content that I still do write for myself. This means I want this book finished, and with that, I hope to spread great insight on what it’s like to have cancer, to know someone with cancer, to learn from cancer, and to love from cancer.
Cancer patients may not all have the same opportunities, but we are all winners in our fight. It’s not easy, and we must deal with what’s been handed us. All we can wish for is the best outcome.
Thank you again!